{"id":11670,"date":"2021-06-30T12:12:08","date_gmt":"2021-06-30T19:12:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/brianselfdesign.com\/amindfulstate\/?p=11670"},"modified":"2021-12-03T18:09:13","modified_gmt":"2021-12-04T02:09:13","slug":"antoinette_always_power_through","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/brianselfdesign.com\/amindfulstate\/antoinette_always_power_through","title":{"rendered":"Nobody should have to live in a state of<\/strong> suppressing who they are\u2026

\u2014ANTOINETTE G.<\/h6>"},"content":{"rendered":"

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ANTOINETTE G. | \u00a0FACILITIES MNGR<\/p>\n

[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/brianselfdesign.com\/amindfulstate\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/RETURN-TO-GRID.png” alt=”RETURN TO GRID” title_text=”RETURN TO GRID” url=”@ET-DC@eyJkeW5hbWljIjp0cnVlLCJjb250ZW50IjoicG9zdF9saW5rX3VybF9wYWdlIiwic2V0dGluZ3MiOnsicG9zdF9pZCI6IjkwMjYifX0=@” disabled_on=”on|on|off” _builder_version=”4.9.3″ _dynamic_attributes=”url” _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”-22px|0px|0px|0px|false|false” custom_padding=”0px|0px|0px|30px|false|false” hover_enabled=”0″ sticky_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_3″ _builder_version=”4.9.3″ _module_preset=”default”][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section][et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ custom_padding_last_edited=”on|phone” admin_label=”Section” _builder_version=”4.9.3″ _module_preset=”default” background_color=”#eae9e4″ custom_margin=”0px||0px||false|false” custom_margin_tablet=”” custom_margin_phone=”” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|phone” custom_padding=”0px||0px||false|false” custom_padding_tablet=”” custom_padding_phone=”||30px||false|false”][et_pb_row custom_padding_last_edited=”on|phone” admin_label=”Row” _builder_version=”4.9.3″ _module_preset=”default” custom_margin=”0px||0px||false|false” custom_padding=”20px||0px||false|false” custom_padding_tablet=”” custom_padding_phone=”0px||||false|false”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.9.3″ _module_preset=”default”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.9.3″ _module_preset=”default” text_font=”Source Sans Pro|600|||||||” text_font_size=”36px” text_line_height=”42px” background_color=”#eae9e4″ text_orientation=”center” custom_margin=”20px|20%|0px|20%|false|false” custom_margin_tablet=”-10px||||false|false” custom_margin_phone=”-15px|5%||5%|false|false” custom_margin_last_edited=”on|tablet” custom_padding=”||30px||false|false” custom_padding_tablet=”0px||80px||false|false” custom_padding_phone=”0px||70px||false|false” custom_padding_last_edited=”on|tablet” text_font_size_tablet=”” text_font_size_phone=”24px” text_font_size_last_edited=”on|phone” text_line_height_tablet=”” text_line_height_phone=”36px” text_line_height_last_edited=”on|phone”]<\/p>\n

<\/strong>Nobody should have to live in a state<\/em><\/strong> of <\/strong>suppressing who they are\u2026<\/em>
<\/i><\/p>\n

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Meet Antoinette.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

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My name is Antoinette.. I am 44 years old. I am a manager for the state of Washington; I manage people and facilities and do a lot. I have an older son who\u2019s awesome. I have a daughter who graduated from high school last year.<\/p>\n

My motto in life has always been power through.
<\/strong>Survival of the fittest: power through, push, persevere, endure, mind over matter. That\u2019s how I survive very, very difficult situations. I just never wanted to appear weak. I haven\u2019t really had the room to be vulnerable and let my guard down in many situations, both professionally and personally. I don\u2019t think it\u2019s acceptable in the workplace for me as a Black woman and also as a Black woman in a leadership position. I feel like you have to present yourself in such a way where you have it together all the time. One ounce of weakness and they automatically peg you as not competent.<\/p>\n

I will attend meetings with 500 managers and be one of two Black people.
<\/strong>It\u2019s very hard. And since you\u2019re already sticking out like a sore thumb, you cannot show any sign of weakness. Never. It\u2019s exhausting to present this front where you feel like you have to have it all together. We\u2019re living in a racially-charged, emotionally-charged, physically-charged environment. And it\u2019s hard trying to navigate through all of that.<\/p>\n

Nobody should have to live in a state of suppressing who they are\u2026
<\/strong>…or how they\u2019re feeling to get through the day. So when you\u2019re trying to be your authentic self, it\u2019s really challenging. Not only are you dealing with COVID, but you\u2019re dealing with the murder of George Floyd. I was sitting in my office and I saw the video and I just cried. I\u2019ll never forget that moment.<\/p>\n

\u00a0I\u2019m in a unique position because there\u2019s not a lot of people of color, especially Black, in leadership where I work. And I do have a few Black people on my team. To sit there in silence in a team meeting and pretend like nothing\u2019s going on, it didn\u2019t sit well for me. And then to attend larger meetings with other leaders and everybody\u2019s ignoring the elephant in the room didn\u2019t sit well with me. I was struggling.<\/p>\n

I’m sitting there trying to fight back tears\u2026
<\/strong>…and everybody\u2019s like, \u201cOh, how\u2019s your day?\u201d It came to me and I was like, \u201cHonestly, I\u2019m not good.\u201d And I just broke down crying because I wasn\u2019t good. To sit there in a meeting and pretend like everything is okay… I couldn\u2019t do it anymore, I couldn\u2019t fake it.<\/p>\n

And that\u2019s exactly what I said. Tired of faking it, tired of pretending like things are okay. I\u2019m tired of acting like nothing is wrong. Something is<\/em> wrong. And you and we all need to address it. It gave me the courage to have the same conversation with my team. And we did not leave that meeting with dry eyes. It was empowering. It was much needed, long overdue for people to really, truly say how they feel without fear of repercussion or fear of retaliation.<\/p>\n

My hair\u2019s natural now. Never wore it natural, it was always straight and flat out because I felt like I had to put on this facade. I had to feel like I fit in. I didn\u2019t want them \u2014\u00a0them, society \u2014 or even professionally to see me in my natural state.<\/p>\n

My strength comes from the village that surrounds me, my family, my loved ones.
<\/strong>Even then, sometimes it\u2019s not enough. When you lay in bed at night, you\u2019re still trying to reflect and think of ways to survive the next day. Being a single mom for many, many years, just trying to be strong for [my children]. I never wanted them to really see me weak.<\/p>\n

My faith is what grounds me. I\u2019m very blessed. I\u2019m very loved. I have a great support system. And while I say I\u2019m a single mom, which I am, I have not raised my kids alone. I\u2019ve had a lot of help and support from family. But it\u2019s hard reaching out for help, especially when you want to appear to be strong.<\/p>\n

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Related Content:<\/p>\n

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Expert<\/strong> Story<\/p>\n

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Personal<\/strong>\u00a0Story<\/p>\n

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Well-being<\/strong>\u00a0Resource<\/p>\n

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My name is Antoinette.. I am 44 years old. I am a manager for the state of Washington; I manage people and facilities and do a lot. I have an older son who\u2019s awesome. 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